"Well, sir, we don't want to just fire it in the middle of..."

"I don't care. Commissar, fire the Baneblade. The tower is tainted. The God Emperor will protect anyone who's untouched by heresy. Only good will come of it. Now fire." Malius snarled as he cut off the commissar. The man looked back at the inquisitor, biting on his lip in frustration before nodding.

"Yes sir, inquisitor. All right, you heard the man! Fire the Baneblade, bring that damned tower to the ground!" The commissar barked to the crew piloting the massive tank. The turret moved, taking aim at the base of the tower.

"Fire in the hole!" Some one from inside the Baneblade shouted. There was a pause... and the nothing. The turret wiggled around before it ended up pointing at some house in the opposite direction of the tower. Some one else popped out of the top of the Baneblade, a sheepish look on his face.

"Um... we're having some technical difficulties." He replied, scratching the back of his head.

"You've got to be kidding me..." Malius groaned, rubbing his temples again. Why couldn't it ever be easy? Out of all the Baneblades he got the defective one. The commissar made a threatening motion to the person before turning to face Malius.

"We can have a techpriest or a servitor he-"

"Too long." Malius again cut off the man, "I'll deal with the issue myself. Give me the five finest amongst your group and what you know about the tower itself."

"Sir, 'finest' isn't quite the term I'd use to describe the gu-"

Malius grabbed the commissar by his throat, slamming him up against the Baneblade in clear view of his soldiers.

"I didn't ask for your opinion or a joke! I said give me your finest and a layout! I am NOT in the mood to play games with you, commissar!" Malius was about ready to kill the commissar and call for an exterminatus of the entire planet, but that might damage his residence on the planet. He let the commissar go, leaving him coughing on the ground.

"Y-yes sir, inquisitor. We don't know much about the layout of the tower... but I will get you the finest of our men." The commissar got up, rubbing his neck and taking in a deep breath. He'd have to remind himself that the Ordo Hereticus has no sense of humor. He walked towards the guardsmen, twisting his neck around to relieve the pain as he walked before his troops.

"Ishmael! Uriel! Tyria! Matthew! Lus! Front and center!" The commissar shouted.

"I hate that name..." Matthew grumbled, receiving a slap on the back from Lus.

"That's why yer parents gave it to ya." He grinned as the five moved through the guardsmen to stand in front of the commissar and the inquisitor. They lined up in the order they had been called as he inspected them.

Ishmael was rather grim looking. Skeletal figure, depressed, sunken eyes. Malius had learned such men could make for great soldiers. There was something else about him, but Malius couldn't put his finger on it. Something about him just seemed untrustworthy. Uriel was some blonde haired, blue eyed, kind looking man. Young. The inquisitor imagined some slaaneshi would end up having fun with the poor boy. Tyria was an annoyed looking woman. Brown hair, brown eyes, a scar down the right side of her face. The kind of woman Malius would share a bed with. Matthew was akin to Uriel in that he was young, but where Uriel was friendly Matthew looked tired and annoyed. Probably an intelligent kid.

"Hey we got a few cultists here and uh-"

"EMPEROR'S DICKNIPPLES A FEW CULTISTS? CALL IN THE FUCKING BANEBLADE"

>>1443222
At this time the baneblade fired, but missed horribly. Inquisitor Malius who was still shouting commands was immedietly thrown off the machine and fell to a clumsy painful death.

The shell skewed heavily and soared across the landscape missing completely.

And Lus? Lus was a big, jovial man. He was happy to be here, and most likely happy to be fighting. Someone needed to break his spirit.

"All right. You five have been selected for a great honor, to serve directly under an inquisitor in the name of the God Emperor of Mankind and in defense of His glorious Imperium. You know what is at stake here and I assume such fine examples of Man as you will serve honorably. Do well here and you all might be looking at promotions." Malius's 'speech' was short. There needed to be action, not words.

"Sir, yes sir." The reply was in unison. Malius liked that, they had been trained well.

"Fall in." Malius commanded as he started heading towards the tower. The guardsmen took up position behind him, lasguns at the ready. Malius pulled out a revolver and a chainsword, no need to waste bolts on such pitiful cultists. They stepped into the 'courtyard' and had just made it past the broken statue of the God Emperor before cultists charged out of the tower. Three fanatics with some strange belief that they could beat back an inquisitor. Two dropped to concentrated lasgun fire while the third discovered his incapability to live with a chainsword through his chest.

"Damned heretics." Malius growled. They had gotten blood on his favored armor. He let the cultist fall off his blade, some gold orb rolling out of his robes. Lus picked it up, a wide grin on his face.

"Inquisitor, it looks like da cultists got themselves a ball. Think it's got chaos magic in it?" Lus wasn't been the brightest of the guardsmen. Malius would have killed the brute himself were it not for the fact it would waste even more of his precious time.

"Shut up and throw it away." Lus shrugged, tossing the ball behind him as the group advanced. The tower was rather devoid of life. Most of the cultists had probably been wiped out by the guardsmen. Had the commisar not been such a coward Malius could still be asleep.

100 baneblades later, chaos changes its name to "unsettled"

They moved through the rooms carefully, finding each one covered in corpses and scarred by fire. It wasn't until they got to the upper levels of the tower that they met some resistance. Even the cultists close to the top had suffered and were no match for the inquisitor nor the guardsmen. Pitiful that they would fall to the Imperium's flashlights, but Malius wasn't complaining. It wasn't until they had reached the top of the tower that Malius showed any signs of worry. Not for himself, but for the guardsmen under him. They were about to go up against what was most likely a sorcerer of Tzeentch. A very weak one, but a sorcerer none the less. He was betting on Matthew or Lus biting the dust before the heretic had been taken down.

"Men," He began as they walked up the stairs and stood in an empty waiting room. There were four benches total, two to each wall, and a finely crafted ornate wooden door before them. Potted plants, bad pictures, everything that made for an overpriced waiting room.

"Behind that door lies a man who has committed a heresy unlike those before. He has not simply served Chaos, he has empowered it in the production of this cult. This man invites the traitor legions to your planet. How do we respond to such an evil?" The inquisitor was in a somewhat better mood from the wanton slaughtering of heretics and it showed. Lus gave a wide grin, hoping to get on Malius's good side.

"We rip 'em apart."

"Good man." Malius nodded, "Now then. I'll take point. Focus fire on him, but be ready to move. He is most likely a psyker of some power, so be prepared to face the horrors of the warp. The God Emperor watches over you and favors you in doing this, have faith and he will shield you." For once, Malius actually hoped some one other than himself didn't die. These guardsmen were fine soldiers and would make good servants in the crusade against heretics. That and having them inducted into the Ordo Hereticus was a wonderful way to spite that mouthy commisar.

"Guardsmen, at the ready..." Malius stood in front of the door, pulling his right foot up and resting it on the wood.

"GO!" He shouted, pulling his foot back and stomping down the door. He rushed it, the guardsmen following behind him before fanning out to dominate the back of the office room. The sorcerer sat in a chair behind a desk, hands folded.

"You have been found guilty of heresy of the highest order. Surrender now and the God Emperor of Man may show some mercy upon your damned soul." Malius took aim at the sorcerer's head. They never gave up, but it was standard procedure.

"I will never serve the false god again! Tzeentch is my new master, and a good master he is! Behold!" The sorcerer shouted before gesturing his hands madly. There was a bit of a silence as the guardsmen braced themselves... then nothing.

"Wha..what? But-but Tzeentch..." The sorcerer babbled, his arrogance replaced with fear.

"Your heretical 'gods' have abandoned you." Malius grinned, firing a single shot through the heretic's head. He fell back into the chair, blood dripping down between his eyes. The guardsmen behind him lowered their weapons, visibly relieved.

"Orders?" Uriel spoke first. Malius, however, was focused elsewhere. To the right of them was a window with a wonderful view of the hive. The inquisitor had been drawn to that window, resting himself against it and looking out.

"Sir?" Uriel spoke again, walking towards Malius. Malius simply smiled as he looked over the city. The view reminded him of why he fought, why these little things were more important than any personal indulgence.

And then the Baneblade down below fired. The guardsmen jumped, but Malius simply looked over the side to see what had happened. The building it was pointing at hadn't been damaged... but something gold was coming his way. It hit him square in the forehead, the gold ball from before bouncing around in the room before launching itself out the window again. The inquisitor had been hit hard, sent flying backwards and knocked unconscious.

"Inquisitor!" Uriel shouted as he rushed to the side of Malius. Matthew went to the window, trying to see what had occurred as Uriel grabbed Malius by the shoulder.

"In-... qu..." Uriel's face screwed up, lip quavering. Tyria walked up behind him to see what kind of damage Malius had taken to break Uriel's soft heart... but then the blonde haired guardsmen broke out into laughter. Tyria pulled Uriel aside to see just what was so funny... before she herself began to laugh.

Imprinted on Inquisitor Malius's forehead was the phrase "I <3 Chaos Dick"

We, however, were some meters away. I pulled down my binoculars just in time to catch my superior's face split into a wide grin. He brought his hand up, catching the gold ball before handing me the toy and his binoculars. I put away our instruments and the toy, placing them in the same bag with the tools to sabotage a Baneblade, a list of nulls in the Imperial Guard, and a beginner's guide to Tzeentch worship.

Eldrad is a dick.

Unexpected ending, hooooooooooo!

>>1443232
You, sir, have made my day.

>>1443255
Winrar.

total win

While a good story, there are some problems with it.

1) No one that isn't currently fighting Traitor Legions actually knows there are traitor legions.
2) The cults are always referred to as odd Mystery Cults(real deal, wiki etc), that employ vile mutants and witches. No mention of humanity's growing psychic awareness is allowed.
3) Eldrad is a way bigger dick than as portrayed

>>1443313
Fail for nitpicking the funny.

OP: Win for a good read.

>>1443255
*clapclapclapclap*

>>1443255

Fuckin' win. Internets for you, good sir!

>>1444628
Hey, I'm actually glad he nitpicked. That gave me some useful information for later use.