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24 KB Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:23 No.3323726  
"Ugh! This game is impossible! It's stupid!"

"Hi, Billy, what's the matter?"

"I want to play 4th ed D&D, but I don't have time to read through all the books. Why can't I just play it like 3.5?"

"That's nothing to be ashamed of, Billy. Many people find the old 3.5 strategies don't work in 4th edition. Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember from such films as 'Bahumet has two daddies" and "Hemp Rope: The Devil's Prophylactic". I'm here to talk to you about combat in the new edition of Dungeons and Dragons."
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:24 No.3323731
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"But Mr. McClure, isn't combat just hitting things?"

"Not any more, Billy. Fourth Edition is designed to work more like a massive multiplayer online RPG or Mugamorp! This can be new and scary for certain players. Whereas old D&D let each player optimize for defense and offense and split up to focus on foes they could specifically overpower, Fourth Edition requires the group to work in a fluid pattern to ensure success. A physical fighter shouldn't be able to reliable hit an opponent of his level; instead, he needs clerics, warlords, and wizards to apply status effects to boost his own attack and lower the monster's defense. That's why they're called Leader and Controller classes -- tactics depend on their decisions in combat and without them, physical fighters have no options."

"But how does that work, Mr. McClure?"

"You see, Billy, the powers of clerics, for example, provide bonus to adjacent allies. Those bonus nudge their friends -- say, a couple of rogues -- into the attack range that can beat the monster's armor class. Combined with the rogue's own dependence on flanking opponents, providing further bonuses, they can reliable hit the monsters and uses their sneak attack abilities to deal out massive damage."
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:25 No.3323735
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"But doesn't Sneak Attack require an enemy have discernible physiology?"

"Not anymore, Billy. Now you can even sneak attack undead. Only constructs and incorporeal creatures are immune. Sneak Attack relies on hitting the opponent in an optimal way -- the cinematics of it are entirely subjective."

"Uh... what?"

"It's like a video game, Billy!"

"Oh, boy! I can't wait to start! I've gotta find me a cleric!"

"Not so fast there, Billy. There's something else you ought to know."

"Oh, man, do I have to use action points...?"

"This ain't Exalted, Billy. No, no, you have to remember about the four defenses?"
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:26 No.3323744
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"Four? But aren't they just wearing one suit of armor?"

"That's just their AC! Armor Class is the defense against wild blows and blunt trauma. The other three defenses are Fortitude, Reflex, and Will. Fortitude protects against attacks on vital internal systems, while Reflex guards against attacks that merely have to hit you and bypass armor. And Will protects against attacks of pure mystical might! Each of these four defenses set the number you have to beat on a roll to hit. Check the description of your class powers. They'll tell you which defense protects against that specific attack. Different monsters specialize in different defenses, so just because one kind of attack fails doesn't mean you're out of options! Large monsters will have good AC and Fort, but attacks targeting Ref are their weakness. And vice versa. Pay attention to the monsters you fight and judge what kind of attack will work best on them."
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:26 No.3323746
Win, continue.
>> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 01/05/09(Mon)22:27 No.3323750
>video game


>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:28 No.3323758
Shh, don't interrupt Mr. McClure.
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:28 No.3323759
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"But what If I'm in a non-standard party? Nobody likes to tank."

"That's right, Billy. Tanking's for (racial slur removed at the request of the McClure estate). But that's up to your friend, the GM. His mighty powers lets him justify the arbitrary numbers used to decide combat, so he can set up encounters that play up the strengths of your class choices. For example, wizards have large area of effect spells good to destroying large groups of minions! Without a wizard, minions only waste the players' time and concentration without adding anything to the game. Likewise, a game without minions leaves a wizard with less to do and bored. It's like sending a man to cook dinner!"

"So a GM who throws a bunch of minions at a wizard-less party might be a son of a bitch?"

"He probably is, Billy. Ha haa~! And a communist."
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:28 No.3323764
I'm curious, why can't you just play 3.5?
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:29 No.3323765
>A physical fighter shouldn't be able to reliable hit an opponent of his level; instead, he needs clerics, warlords, and wizards to apply status effects to boost his own attack and lower the monster's defense.

not how it works
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:30 No.3323767
Phil Hartman is...

>> Toy Store Anonymous !wImXn9Y2hw 01/05/09(Mon)22:30 No.3323770

>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:31 No.3323773
but isn't 3.5 just like the pre-WoW MMOs?
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:31 No.3323779

Shit threads don't deserve to be archived.
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:32 No.3323783
butthurt much?
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:32 No.3323784
Because some people enjoy the new edition. Don't stir up shit, this is amusing.
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:32 No.3323785
WoW did not invent MMOs. Don't blame everything about MMOs on WoW.
>> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 01/05/09(Mon)22:33 No.3323791


>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:33 No.3323793
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"Do you feel better about it now, Billy?"

"I sure do, Mr. McClure! But wouldn't it be easier if I just keep playing 3.5?"

"Don't be silly, Billy. Nobody likes a stick in the mud. Like Benjamin Franklin. Would you want to disappoint Benjamin Franklin?"

"Golly, no, sir!"

"That's the spirit, Billy!"

"Maybe we can get some girls to play, too!"

"That's called dreaming, Billy. It's Unamerican. Come on, scamp. I'll buy you your first case of syphilis."

>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:33 No.3323796
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killed by this man
>> Toy Store Anonymous !wImXn9Y2hw 01/05/09(Mon)22:33 No.3323798
Everybody stop interrupting Mr. McClure!
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:33 No.3323800

Dunno, 3.0 was like Diablo II. A goddamn videya gaem
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:34 No.3323802
I love troy maclure so much
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:34 No.3323804

I read this in his voice. Gosh I miss his voice and his character so much ;_;
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:34 No.3323806
lol awesome
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:34 No.3323808

"why can't i sneak attack undead/constructs even though the book says how to"

"why can't fighters hit without warlord powers even though they can!?!?!?"

"it's an mmo!"

It's fucking idiocy and not worthy of getting archived.
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:35 No.3323811
itt: butthurtfags
>> Toy Store Anonymous !wImXn9Y2hw 01/05/09(Mon)22:36 No.3323814
You and Mr Rage both needed to sit back and wait for the OP to finish. You'll note that, over all, it's pretty pro-4e, or, at worst, neutral. Don't let a few little phrases get your knickers in a twist.
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:36 No.3323817

It's good to see that, as always, /tg/ has amazing logic and arguments.

Never change.
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:36 No.3323818
When John Lovitz went to confront Andy Dick, Andy Dick said he put a curse on Phil Hartman

then he said he put the Phil Hartman curse on John Lovitz

the night ended with Andy Dick's bloody head slammed through a wall by a raging Lovitz, tears of vengeance streaming down his face
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:37 No.3323825

Are you kidding? 10/10 for delivery. Maybe 15/10. I want to read more trolls like this... if this even counts as trolling.
>> Balrog !.FvYxWfkmU 01/05/09(Mon)22:37 No.3323828
I'm disappointed, /tg/. I really am.
>> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 01/05/09(Mon)22:37 No.3323829

>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:39 No.3323840
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:39 No.3323841

also, age -- just to piss you the fuck off
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:40 No.3323844
Y'know? Honestly, this feels like a pretty good primer for 4e.
>> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 01/05/09(Mon)22:41 No.3323848

>> There is no Touhou Simpsons pic, sadly. Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:42 No.3323855
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>A physical fighter shouldn't be able to reliable hit an opponent of his level

Fail, fighters have the highest attack bonuses in the game, because they can afford an 18 in Strength from point-buy, and they get a +1 bonus on weapon attack rolls (except for battleragers).

>tactics depend on their decisions in combat and without them, physical fighters have no options.

I'll have you know that fighters are the most well-rounded class in all of 4e, in terms of options and array of builds. Seriously, fighters have the most options out of any other class, especially with Martial Power. You can have an invincible Battlerager fighter, an insanely damage-dealing Tempest fighter, a sliding-and-proning polearm fighter, or hell, even an attack penalty stacking Mindiron bow fighter.

>Only constructs and incorporeal creatures are immune.

Also fail, constructs and insubstantial creatures can be Sneak Attacked.

>Likewise, a game without minions leaves a wizard with less to do and bored.

Around the paragon, tier, however, minions become extremely easy to auto-kill for any class, and wizards start getting powers that make them shine more as single-target disablers than minion wipers.
>> ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ 01/05/09(Mon)22:42 No.3323856
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It does especially once you realize 4E is wowfaggotry.
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:43 No.3323864
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:44 No.3323868
Also read this in his voice.

This was magnificent.
>> ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ 01/05/09(Mon)22:45 No.3323876
That wasn't a troll so no point in rating it. Just reality, bro.
>> Toy Store Anonymous !wImXn9Y2hw 01/05/09(Mon)22:46 No.3323878
That's why I'm saying archive it. It's a really good primer, the OP honestly put a lot of work into it, it's spot on for a Troy McClure thing, the delivery is awesome. There are a few poor word choices here and there, but oh well, I still give it a 9.9/10.
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:46 No.3323879
3.5 = Dungeons and Diablo II
4th = World of Dungeons and warcraft
>> Marca Reg !!XL717J3DDe9 01/05/09(Mon)22:47 No.3323885

oh, well, if it's not a troll, that's alright then.
>> Anonymous 01/05/09(Mon)22:49 No.3323900
Tell me this is true. In some way, shape or form, tell me this is true.