She desires that you to impale her with your flesh wand.

B-back that ass up!

Captcha: nvoidin cannot.

At least it wasn't the succubus that noticed. You ever been raped in front of your class, boy? It sucks dick.

summon a cork up that cunts ass and say
"make fun of that, bitch."

drop your wand and walk away.

>not controlling her mind into getting naked infront of people
ishygddt

>Faggot spellsword talking shit during lunch
>Scorches my fucking uniform
>Get pissed
>Summon a dwarf ogre to beat his
>Fuck up
>Accidentally summon succubus
>She has a dick
>She brutally rapes him in the courtyard
>Suspended until next year

Fuck that place, I'm gonna join a cult.

>>111370562
>She has a dick

Why do you know how to summon trap succubi anyway?

>>111370859
At least you can summon succubi. all i can get is some shitty imps

>>111370948
>2011
>not getting some delicious imp pussy

ISHYGDDT

>>111370859
Google.

Shitty Wizards General?

Why you would even need to summon a succubus? I bet you even got rejected by a Succubus.

>Finish most of my lessons at the magi academy
>Fellow students throw a party
>They ate all the fucking cheese
>Proceed to get my shit blown up by some asshole showing off and get thrown into a basement
>Finally battle my way back up to the party, after killing a giant enemy with so many fucking eyes I can still feel it leering
>OH LOL THERE YOU ARE WE SENT DOWN OUR PET BEHOLDER TO FIND YOU DIDN'T YOU SEE HIM?
>Snap.
>Momentarily forget all my spells
>Start flinging random configurations of elements together
>Geysers of ice burst into the room
>Set everyone on fire
>Sent a boulder the size of god's left nut at the band at the front of the room
>Lay mines in a complete circle around m-
>Oh fuck.
>A student wanders over to me, smiling like a madman as I stare in complete horror
>NOOOOOOOOO-
>Steps on a mine
>I'm flung across the room
>Splat into a wall, collapse into the floor, explode into gibs
>Hear a strange ding
>"OH GRAVITY, THOU ART A HEARTLESS BITCH"

>Finish most of my lessons at the magi academy
>Fellow students throw a party
>They ate all the fucking cheese
>Proceed to get my shit blown up by some asshole showing off and get thrown into a basement
>Finally battle my way back up to the party, after killing a giant enemy with so many fucking eyes I can still feel it leering
>OH LOL THERE YOU ARE WE SENT DOWN OUR PET BEHOLDER TO FIND YOU DIDN'T YOU SEE HIM?
>Snap.

>>111372176

Okay, I fucking lost it right here.

Why the fuck wouldn't you protect yourself with some sort of elemental shield? One you threw together by accident probably backfired.

Who the fuck uses elemental magic anymore anyway? Fuck.

>My young nephew wants a technological device for his birthday, a so-called "Xbox 360"

>I visit the mortal world and peruse "Gamestop" a merchant that sells such products.

>The oaf behind the counter is surly and unhelpful.

>I speak the seven words of power.

>The store is translocated to a hell dimension.

>just sittin' in my dorm
>its the weekend, no spellcrafting class today
>everybody's talking about a succubus party
>go to party, figure there's tonics and brews
>nope, tonic barrels kicked
>what the shit
>wait till the other warlocks summon succubi
>they're hot as fuck
>suddenly they start casting FIRE ON EVERYTHING
>OH GOD FRAT A-B-C IS BURNING DOWN
>use a haste spell and run like fuck out of there
>everyone else gets out
>a succubus followed
>starts eating this hot witches pussy
>cum spaghetti
>suddenly, someone summoned a dinosaur
>cast get on the floor

FUCKING WIZARD ACADEMY

>Be a Class 5 Dark Wizard
>My apprentice is only a lowly Class 2 Dark Wizard in training
>Last week he had conjured an item of power from the Mortal Realm known as a "P S Triple"
>It adsorbs small flat orbs known as "Discs"
>I try conjure this item myself but the planets did not align for me, I had conjured an "X Box CCCLX"
>Both devices must be posessed as when they are touched in a certain fasion they emit light and hum with a powerful aura
>Apprentice talks about how his P S Triple can show the future AND control it by feeding it those flat orbs and using a small two handed weapon
>He has a vast amount of these flat orbs, almost limitless windows into the future
>I curse him and his divine P S Triple artifact so it will not have the discs and cannot show the future anymore with the magic words "Playious Stationitus Tripleis Haveth Nome Gameths"
>The P S Triple never showed the future again

> in summoning class
> summon pamela anderson
> lose my virginity
> everyone laughs at my 4 inch dick
> doesn't matter because i lost my virginity
an hero the next day

these threads are stupid

>in potions class
>making potion of invisibility
>forget to add wolfbane
>test potion
>makes my dick grow 14in
>go to class dance later
>spike punch with dick-growing potion
>women just get extended clitorises

Shit that night was awkward.

It's stories like these that make me glad I was temple schooled in order to become a paladin. My Dad is a cleric.

WIZARD

>be master-race wizard
>don't need to go to shitty classes because master of fucking everything
>smoke herbs all day every day

>In summoning class
>Learning the Succubus ritual
>Have to think feminine sexual and sensual thoughts
>Think sexual and sensual thoughts but am into guys and accedently think masculine
>Everyone successfully summons Succubus
>I summon an Incubus
>Everyone stares
>Incubus giggles and grabs my junk and runs his hand through my hair
>Have a raging boner
>Fail class for summoning incorrect demon
>get suspended for fucking in class
>Get outted
Fuck this gay earth

>Preparing for a great feast to celebrate the ending of the year
>Some fat asshat decides to eat ALL the fucking cheese
>I tell him to go get new
>He tells me to fuck off
>I cast a transform spell onto him and he turns into a mouse
>HOWS THAT CHEESE FOR YOU NOW BITCH
>One of school heads walks by
>He spots a mouse
>He kills the mouse with a basic fire spell
>mfw

fucking fat kids

>>111372782
>Being a paladin
>1492 B.C.
I seriously hopeth you do not do this brothers.

>In Alteration class.
>Try to transform a rat into sweets.
>Spell backfires.
>Burst into treats.

>class schedualed for sunday
>decide to skip because teacher is a massive troll
>decide to work on my summoning in the woods so no one will see me
>figure I would try to summon something bigger than a dog
>going to try summoning a minotaur
>see a giant eruption of earth
>it fucking worked!
>notice the minotaur looks skinny
>fuck yeah a female minotaur
>notice the minotaur is panting
>hell yeah it wants me
>notice it has a cock
>what the fuck
>still works out better than expected and get milked for a whole hour
Is anyone else having this problem with their summons?

>>111372782
Why are Succubi bad again?

>>111373266
>2011
>not getting your summons right

I summoned some fine harpy bitches the other day. They fuck like crazy, and are crazy good at fucking.

>In summoning class
>Supposed to be summoning succubi
>Curse a jerk's wand
>He summons his mom
>Learn later that my curse didn't work

>>111373266
What kind of backwards province hires trolls as professors?

>In summoning class
>"summon" picture of one of the students sucking professor's dick under table
>A+ erry day

looololololol epic thread fucking epic /b/rothers


anonoumosy is legend

captacha: fur epci

>>111373672
The kind that also has a lich teaching herbalism.

>in white magic class
>one mage waltzes in drunker than shit
>we all laugh
>that was the test, no one casts antidote
>fails, fails everywhere

Fuck that noise, my actual face when

>2011.
>Not using Blood Magic.

Come home from work and see this thread. I fucking love you guys.

>>>/cgl/

>>111373986

one day, harry was making learings from his schoolbook.
"many learnings from book school!" says harry, turn the page.
but suddely, harry had learned too much from the book and made forgettings of his magics!!!
"oh no!" say harry, "of my magics to forgetting?!?!?!"
the magics made refusal to remember!
Ron and herminoe made que.. stionings of harry and the lost magics
brom made a laughing from the window
Harry made a sitting in magic lesson unable to perform the magics!
>> Anonymous 06/21/10(Mon)13:32:46 No.242407XXX
!i am tired of your not magics!" say wand.
"SNAP!" shout wand, and wand snapped itself, because it did no want to be with a not magic!
"Oh nO!!!!" shout harry, "NOT A SNAPPING WAND!"
But a snapping wand
Harry treid to danube the wand to itself, BUT NOT OF WORKINGS!
the teacher made a shoutings at harry.
"harry!" shout the lesson, "YOU HAVE SNAPPED AT WAND AND THAT IS CRIME!"
the polive danubed though the walls and banged thier sticked at harry
"YOU HAVE SNAPPED WAND! YOU HAVE DESTROYED WAND!!!!!!!" shout police, "WE SHALL SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT"!
and so professer McGongle made into the rom,
"ah"say McGongole "You are one to destroying wands?!"
and so Mcgongle turned Harry into a wand
"OH nO!"say a harry Wand "i am Wand NOW?!?!?!"
"yes," say mcGongle "you are wand,"
And McGongle snapped wand

>be red mage like my pop always wanted

>swordsman classes are full of retarded fighters
>black magic classes are full of smug douchebags
>white magic classes are full of uppity righteous clerics and shit

Fuck this gay Terra. I hate everyone.

Who even takes summoning anymore?

Just learn to enchant statues and things, Its way most efficient in the long run plus you can make shit that doesn't exist in any other plane.

I have a sex slave construct that's a mix of all sorts of bitches.

>Magical Psychology class
>Test paper has one question
>"Why?"
>Think for second
>Cast Fire 3 on paper
>Only one that passes

>stop squiring for a lord because he's a fucking asshole
>start my own band of thieves with other former squires
>we raid elven residences near the border because humans don't give a fuck
>we bolted every sentry unnoticed
>lead my strongest buddies into the guards residences and slit all the guards throats
>bond the captain and kick him off the highest floor of the main turret
>my buds and i piss on his corpse
>tell my lads: TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT
>enter a murder and rape frenzy!
>we left before dawn with a trail of shackled slaves, enchanted weapons, and lots of fine elven women.
>best part is the elven patrols can't catch us before we reach the human border
>pay my buddy at the human lookout point 10% of the cut with a few slaves to give us the authorization papers to pass as a trader with "servants"
>THUG LIFE

>be on battle barge
>recive order to purge a planet infested with witches
>deep strike
>fat heretic psycher asks if i am some kind of golem
>request extra promethium
>purge cleanse kill

such is the life of a loyal servant

>in summoning class
>professor doesn't know what he's doing
>see stolen grimoire being passed around students, everyone's cheating for test tomorrow
>it ends up in front of me
>run the fuck outta there, no one chases me
>thieves' academy instructor gives me an A+ for no loss of life and no tails

shit was cash

>>111374625
You do know elves are rife with venereal disease right?

There is a good chance at least half of them had something and you probably do now too.

Elven women are fucking whores, Dwarrow women are where its at.

>Sitting in class studying like a good white mage
>berserker beside me get's horny
>he's a berserker and is always angry
>throws me over the desks pulls my robe off
>brutally rapes me
>know the spell to calm him down but don't
>feels too good man

>Going to shitty wizard school
>Not going to glorious paladin order

Enjoy your massive debt and no jobs. I will be making money while getting field experience!

>>111375023

>>111374850 here. You mean my money, right?

HEUHEUHEUEHUEHEUEUHEUE

>>111375023
>not if your wizard school has a coop program
>make good coin and hit up the tavern to get bitches

>>111375023
Not all of us are at shitty wizard school, some of us are apprenticing under master wizards.

In order to get qualified we have to attend some classes though, Doesn't cost much for just those though.

Personally I've only had to take some minor magical theory lessons and a week long course on proper precautions when dealing with dangerous summons and invocations.

>>111375023
>Paladin
>Not sexually frustrated mary-sues that couldn't cut in REAL wizardry.

Wizards get the bitches Paladins die as "heroes".

>Go to Alchemy School
>EQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVA
LENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHAN
GEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGEEQUIVALENTEXCHANGE

ITT: No vidya and people who have never played as a Wizard in any meaningful way.

>>111375474
That's what you get for going to fucking alchemy school, You might as well go to a peasant school and learn "science"

That shit will do you about as much good HAHA.

>>111375474
>go to alchemy school and not be able to cheat the system and make shit into gold
ishygddt

>not a necromancer

Sure is pussy whipped by the Circle of Magi ITT.

>>111375227
If I catch you stealing. I will slay you on the spot.

>>111375435
We only die because you faggots can't ever wear armor.

>Go to wizard school
>hate it
>Die
>Best thing that ever happened!

>>111373100
>>111373100
Your spell backfired and made you burst into treats?
Goddamn that's clever.

>>111375983
What does armour matter if we can just get you idiots to die for us.

GrimGrimoire general?

captcha: panting peniesu

So /v/ would you do it with a Succubus?

i'm selling my the last semester textbooks for destruction courses.

anyone interested?

Okay I just summoned a familiar for the first time.

He's a goblin, what should I name him? The little fucker's kind of adorable, what can I use a goblin for? Getting bitches when I take him for walks?

>thaumaturgy class
>Professor Curwen looks young, but he is actually 200+ years old
>his crabbed handwriting is completely fucking illegible, and he speaks like he lives in the 1700's
>have such a hard time understanding that I pick out the wrong Salt from the shelf, and instead of summoning a great necromancer that lived in eastern Europe in the year 1020, I summon fucking colonel sanders of all people
>everyone laughed, but at least he made chicken

>later that day, show up late to dream class with Professor Carter
>everyone is already in their beds asleep

White maeg reportant.

I like healing people :33333333333333

also dubs xd :3333333333333333333

>>111376375
Oh and here's a pic of him

What do goblins eat anyway?

Hey guys what's going on in this thr

Oh.

That was genuinely clever OP. Well done. I'm proud of you.

>>111376092
People like you should be ostracized. If it weren't you damned wizards, my buddy Cantus Sanctus would still be spreading justice!

>>111375828
HURR DURR SO DARK AND EDGY RIGHT GUIS? 2 KEWL 4 SCHOOL LOL

I hope a paladin murders you and your whole family, scum, you give the magical community a bad name.

>>111376429

Uhh...I'd just recommend not going to sleep with him around.

>>111376404
Shut up, it's stupid White Mages like you that give us a bad name.

>>111376375
>>111376429
They eat fungus and worms...
Also they tend to smell horrible...
And they horde the weirdest shit like old socks...

That's nothing op. In the far east they have regular wand inspection days.
The university healer will inspect all male wands

>>111376663
u mad? :3

How do you guys even get into magic? I mean bringing fire out of no where is one thing, but doesn't that shit, y'know, burn your hands or anything?
All my freinds seem to be able to do at least minor illusion things but I can't even get that done, do you just say words n shit happens or do you actually have to know what the words mean?
also, do I need something specific for a wand? Like does it have to be natural or from a specific tree or something, because I've tried all sorts, from fence posts to anything I've fount in the woods, none of it's done any magic.
Help plz, I can't find any books on this stuff that isn't anything under 20 gold pieces, and I only make 3 silvers a week

>be thief
>I know it's peasant tier but i love the thrill
>first day of advanced climbing
>Master is talking about shit i don't really care
>I'm approached by this student
>He starts talking to me about how he just stole some gold from the Masters pouch and hands it to me
>Master notices
>OHSHITOHSHIT
>run for my fucking life
>manage to climb a building
>''Oh god i think i'm safe''
>Suddenly thieves everywhere
>''We gonna' cut you up boy, you think you can steal from me?''
>They all pull out their knives
>I fucking panic
>Jump off of building
>Land in pile of hay, hurt my back a little
>Hear clapping and cheering
>thieves on the roof
>It was all a test
>mfw

Love the thrill.

>>111375566
Fuck off faggot. If I wasn't a wizard, then how come I have doubles?

>>111376679
>>111376651
Oh I see

Can I play scrying orb games with him?

>Grow up in a family of talented enchanters
>Pressured into going to an academy
>Terrible at enchanting
>Terrible at everything
>Take liberal arts course
>Can't even get a non-magical job

Get out of /v/ wizard scum. It's people like you that make my assassinations difficult.

I come from a world you would not understand

>see mages university
>join
>take all their stuff without anyone even caring
>never come back

>browsing for scrolls, spell ingredients
>sexy elf at the counter staring at me
>start sweating profusely
>dirty wizard neckbeard gets all itchy
>can't remember the anti-persperent spell
>remember I haven't cast a shower spell in weeks
>slowly walk towards her with a pile of spellbooks, supplies and reagents
>hands are getting really slippery from sweat mixed with the grime of the ingredients I have been perusing
>staff starts poking out of my robes
>trip over my long robes
>my pile of wizard gear tumbles into a large pot sitting on a ledge
>accidentally launch a multiplication spell from my staff into the pot
>pot tips over
>bat guano fucking EVERYWHERE
>seriously there is bat guano pouring onto the floor
>it falls into my robes and launches out my long wizard sleeves
>bat guano launching up my nose and out my eyes
>want to throw up but can't because of the sheer volume of bat guano launching down my throat
>cute elf chick COVERED in bat shit
>i'm sitting on the floor naked
>robe launched somewhere
>covered in bat guano and spell powders and spaghetti
>try to get up
>trembling so much now
>start leaking feces and bat guano every time i try to move
>elf chick throwing up all over herself
>archmage shows up
>opens the door
>gets on the floor
>everybody does the Megalarmolagrax

FUCKING MAGESTOP

>>111376798

Fuckin' peasants.

>>111376731
>Here_we_go.Prchm.tome.grmr

Warrior here. You're all a bunch of cowardly faggots. Almost every single magic user is obsessed with power, and eventually gets destroyed by his own art.

You should all overturn this stupid magic shit and become a real man.

>>111376747
Just stop. You ruin everything. You're not even good at healing, you just like it when all the other people drool over you. I bet you're not even good looking, you just use illusion magic.

Haha, all of you niggers going to school. I'm a Sorcerer, all of that magic comes to me naturally and easier than a whore on cock.

>Not being a necromancer
>955 AD

>lab time
>grab a bunch of wands
>make a wand golem
FIRE AND SHIT
FIRE AND SHIT EVERYWHERE

This is the greatest thread, I wish their were books/games about these experiences.

>>111376871
End your murderous ways and repent. Join the order.

>>111377061
>He practices dark arts
Laughingtemplars.png

>Master is trying to teach me a fairly simple spell.
>Get it wrong like 3 times.
>He calls me a moron and vanishes in a huge cloud of horrible smelling smoke with a loud BAMPF noise.
>It's been 2 weeks of me alone in his arcane tower...
Is master going to come back do you think?
I'm a little worried....

>Be a royal knight
>See one of those weak apprentice wizards walking around in his creepy robes
>Decide to mess with him
>Take his wand, break it half
>Slice his grimoire in pieces with my sword
>He tries to summon something to help him
>He summons some giant titted demon lady
>Punch him, force him to watch while I fuck his demon lady
>mfw
Puny wizards, even women are stronger than you.

>implying there aren't

Uhh /v/? got a problem

The knight ordered to be my bodyguard have had a great relationship and all by being bros and such but I'm feeling lust for him and I can tell it's affecting him too, I really don't know what I should do.

>>111377225
Go find his Magister Card and start shopping.

>>111377336
Are battle mages cool?

>>111376855
>grow up in a powerful elemental purist family
>never show any talent in elemental magic.
>excel at alteration
>My father cries every night because I let him down

this trauma illusion can never be dispelled..

>alchemy class
>try to cheat and cast a spell at gooey potion
>it comes to life and wraps itself around my wand

Why summon a succubus when you can charm any woman you want with a love potion?

>Go to mage academy on scholarship.
> Triple Major in Destruction/Summoning/Enchantment
>Tired as fuck
>Miss prom because of sleeping
>Enchant Prom Queen into licking my pussy as my succubus futafucks her from behind

itwasworthit.grmr

"Anonymous 09/24/11(Sat)13:24 No.111331657

>>111331379
I've also read theories that 2012 is meant to be an age of spiritual enlightenment in which creatures from the astral plane will come to our world and make themselves at home. Ushering in an era of magic.

Either or would be pretty cool."
All of my hope.

»͘2҉0̧1͜1
»҉ησ͡т͝ ̡нανιηg̨ α ̢∂σ¢̢тσя̀αтє ι͞η͏ ρѕι̵ση̷ι¢ѕ ̛σя ̕ѕσ͜υℓ͘ѕтєα͠ℓ̀ιη̨g͟ ̕α̛я҉т҉ѕ
̧»̢ι͟ѕ͘нуg̷∂͜∂̕т

>have to retake summoning class
>no one else knows I'm here for a second time, I play it cool
>want to impress this sexy sorceress so I summon an imp and get him to perform tricks; juggling and so forth
>everyone impressed; exactly as planned
>go for potions after class, super popular now
>forget to unsummon demon
>that night drunkenly beat one off thinking about the hot sorceress
>next day in class
>imp appears and tells everyone about me jacking off
>also tells about my collection of female golem masturbation aids
>social outcast for the rest of my days
>FUCKING FAMILIARS

>>111377336
typical kniggers. shitty at academics so they get a low-education position of power to exploit.

>>111377336
Yeah, who are you going to rely on when you get hurt? a simple bandage isn't going to fix your intestines from spilling out. Don't come to ME when you're injured.

>>111377336

Oh yeah, you were da little guy in armor having sex near the academy with a succubus...

You might be missin' a few coins mate.

>Be Peasant fathers son.
>Father wishes for me to become a Solider for the King.
>Tell him I wish to become a wizard.
>Get Beaten.
>Run away from home.
>Become Wizard after many years.
>Find father.
>Find out he's dead.
>Have a sad silent moment.
>Revive him.
>Is glad to see me, but asks why I'm not a solider and why I am wearing silly robes and hats.
>Kill him.

>master of Wand Making
>any job I want
>300 gold starting

Are you even trying other branches?

>try traumarturgy class
>supposed to scry neightbours dream
>my own imagination constantly kills me
>never leave own dreamsphere
>fuck this shit im going to try another course

>>111371187
if only...

>>111377414
I don't exactly respect you for resorting to devilish trickery, but at least you wear proper armor and know how to use a real weapon.

Fine, you're alright.

>Practice dark arts because I'm good at it
> Resurrect my grandpa for a short while for class assignment to interview a dead relative.
>Dad is a paladin

How do I break it to him?

>>111372583
fucking lost it at X Box CCCLX

>In Bard class
>Teacher gives the test results
>Everyone gets a low grade
>I try to cheer them up by playing a morale raising song
>End up playing a bersek song
>Mfw everyone in the class slaughters the teacher in front of me

>>111377709
Try it carefully. Maybe hint that you don't think that the dark arts aren't that bad. See where that goes.

For my final exam, I'm being paired with a dwarven paladin, a dickass thief, and a sexy female elven archer so we can do some quest for a legendary grail.

Apparently, it's in the hands of some Necromancer up in some dark citadel currently posses said grail, have any of you fellow wizards gone up against a master of the dark arts? Because I don't want to die. And I know we were all the tops of our classes, but hell, we barely know each other and we're still just students, even if we're going to graduate soon.

I don't wanna die /wiz/, I want to make my family proud and graduate, I don't want to leave my mother and father grieving over me ;_;

>>111377336
As a wizard's knight, I shame you.

A Knight is supposed to work with balance with his magical brethren, not berate him.

>>111377818
>Bards
''twas to be expected.

>>111377867
I just realized my shitty grammar as I typed the first sentence of my second paragraph, please excuse that.

I love it how wizards are summoning daemons, just remember you might raise something ALOT worse succubus.

>Hot ass male wizard sits in front of my Defense class
>He's to good to fuck a necromancer like me
>He gives subtle hints he wants to fuck.
What do I do? He's a noble and He bathes twice a week, so that's and upside.

>>111377867
I know that paladin, my friend. He is an excellent warrior of justice and will serve you well in leading your party to the grail.

I give you my blessing.

>Be a Warmage
>At a party
>Some beta Black Mage is looking at this fine-ass White Mage
>Push him against her
>He sputters "B-Back dat ass up..."
>Our laughter cuts through his soul
>I fuck the White Mage

Such is life

>>111373501
the killing you part while taking your semen part

>they need to study to cast spells
Sorcerer master race here.

>Time to summon my familiar
>End up summoning myself from the future and he wants to kill me
FUCK

>The year is 40011
>There are still mutant "wizard" psyker scum
the only good psyker is the sacrificed psyker.

>>111378088
>They don't study necromancy

>>111377665
enjoy your jew course.

There are no worse exploiters out there than wand makers. always making a new wand and outright lying about the capabilities. and then you sell them half-made and sell 'extensions' a month later.

I'll enjoy making a difference with my healing am.d

>be farmer (not aptitude for spellcasting or adventureing, I feed you, deal with it nerds)
>see mage walking nearby
>ask him to help with some kobolds that had been raiding my crops
>speak of the devil, they're here too!
>he blasts them all with some sick firebeam
>offer to pay him
>he doesn't have a proper inventory
>mfw

Seriously... is there no one here who can defeat me

>>111378048
Well I don't trust the thief, he might stab me in the dick and take all my shit.

The paladin looks like he could rough some shit up, dem dorfs mang,

I'll try to hit it off with the elf girl, hopefully I don't go full beta like I always do.

>>111377867
evil wizards are all the same
ask them about their plan
if you can withstand their monologue you will have plenty of time to prepare major incarnations while they gabble about their genius, depending on his ego you can go for a real big one and solo him with a onehitspell like hellchasm

>>111377818
Oh, I like you anon.

>>111378216
HURR SO GRIMDARK

SO EDGY

I BET YOU LISTEN TO LINKIN PARK WHILE YOU SUMMON

>>111378197
the emperors a pysker buddy

>In Double Potions
>Teacher insults me
>Drop my potion I was making
>Lose points for the house
>Lose all my grade points for the day

FTFY

>>111378253
Looks like this thread forgot to pay its magic tax

>>111378330
But the emperor is a god, you little heretic.

>>111377867
I know that necromancer. He's a pussy who freaks out the moment he gets so much as grazed by a spell or arrow. I mean, voice-quivering, tears in eyes, fear.

Have the archer shoot him, or, hell, in his general direction. Set whatever feeble skeletons he sends at you on fire while the paladin smashes stuff.

He's a pushover. He's too scared to get into heavy dark magic, and too stubborn to go back into his original study of divine magic.

Good luck, and do give him your most painful spell to his crotch, courtesy of me. Motherfucker owes me 40 gp.

>>111377867

Broski, raid the supply closet and take as many dispell/disenchant scrolls as you can. Dispell his shit while the elf hottie turns him into a pin cushion and your other guys fight him.

Also, get a standard clip on ear-ring but one that looks fancy as shit. Tell her it's a Clit Ring of Negative Plane Protection and put it on her - congrats you just got into her pants, now cast NPP on her while she's not looking. In fact, cast it on everyone just in case.

You're welcome.

>>111378048
Is it purely a profession to him, or is he of the old school? safety first, I knew a guy that was taught to kill them on sight.
Alot of stigma back in the day.

>>111374860

Did he love you like a truck?

what does /wiz/ think of my new robes, I think they are pretty cool

I'm gonna ask out this Elf girl that works in Magestop
what do you think are my chances of scoring

"P.S., I drank a potion of Seduction before going there"

>2011
>Not being a gravity mage
I seriously hope you guys don't do this.

>At prestigious wizard academy
>my minor is transfiguration
>people laugh at me for doing transfiguration because it's baby's first alteration magic
>my face when I figured how how to change the size of my penis and the size of womens posterior breasts and belly
>my face when I've gotten good enough at it that I can do it without wand nor word

Now who's laughing.

also
>slut bitch is a bitch to me
>she's now an A cup

>>111378460
Lookin' fresh. I hope you didn't get that potion from any major retailer, though, they got recalled because they turned people into frogs.

>>111374860
>>111378424
son, you best try not to take too many chances with berserkers.

edgy a fuck goth warlock faggot reporting in

>trying to learn a simple lightning bolt spell because frost mages are kicking my ass in gym

>begin to cast but it backfires and i end up in the hospital with no magic

>well fuck you magic i wanted to be a paladin anyway

>>111378216
>Being a Necromancer
What's wrong?
Did mommy not suck your dick enough as a kid?

Gb2Linkin Park, Corpse-fucker

>Not being Lawful evil

there's a difference between being a dick and evil.

Evil guys get all those hot studs at ye-olde shchulahs

>>111378423
I am not sure about that. Him and I never got paired up to do assignments. I have faith in him though.

Everyone knows enchanting is the best branch of magic.

Umad summonerfags?

>>111375828
This guy knows what I'm talking about.

God Tier Necromancer here, well Necrodin. I my master thought swords and armor were better than daggers and robes.

>Be Adventurer
>Little village is being harassed by an evil Sorceror who lives deep in the spooky forest
>Adventure in and find a building full of Wizards
>Slay them all
>Discover that the Sorceror actually lived in a tower deeper in and that I'm actually in a school
>Bring the heads of one of the students to the town elder and receive lods of emone anyway

>Getting piss poor grades in wizard school
>Teachers say I could do great if I just apply myself
>Just can't stand how 99 percent of classes are on white and gray spells and casting safely
>Drop out
>Decide to try out black magic
>Summon Dagon the devourer and Amon the demon king of the Egyptians
>Nothing happens
>Can't cast spells anymore
>Realize I have been cursed
>Fuck it i'll just fap
>Can't get my dick hard
>Cry for hours, can't sleep, try to go to /v/ to talk about video games
>Every single post about video games is gone, everyone is acting like it has always been this way

They told me not to mess with dark magic. They really did... Why did not I listen

>>111378759
>Implying I'm an asshole

It's what I'm best at, deal with it.

There are some genuinely nice necromancers.

>implying you have to go to a university to be a great wizard

>>111378759
Yeah, because having a degree in "making pretty lights and changing the colour of socks" is going to get you a job.

I'll be over here with my master race degree in "ruling the world with a limitless army of the damned, empowered by my dark gods".

why does no one where the hats with the stars an moon on them anymore

those things were fly as hell

now it's all flatcaps and magic fedoras

fucking hipsters

>>111378759
>too retarded to study/understand Masterrace

And you wonder us Necros consider you guys peasants and kick your ass in the few duels we do. We keep to ourselves to not embarrass you assholes.

Bitches don't know about my Chronomancy course.

>Go to Mage Academy
>Take Chronomancy 101 + Extended study on same topic
>Course is equivilent to full wizarding degree which takes almost a decade to get
>Course is one week long
>Can then rewind time and do any of your crappy magic courses after at my leisure, though why would I?
>Get job as detective

Master race, bitches.

>girl sitting near me notices and tell everyone

Since when were girls allowed to go to wizard school?

>>111378085
Succubi don't kill, at worst turn you into a slave (if you really are that pathetic) or into a mate.

Your thinking of a Yuki Onna which kills you (inadvertently by freezing you) then taking your semen and freezing it.

>384 of the 4th era
>not studying magitech
You guys are the reason this world is going to shit.

Necromancers are all grimdark emo faggots

get at me nerds

>>111378803
>lawful evil
Fucking hipster

chaotic good is were it's at
and incase your mummy didn't tell you good means good for me

>in demon summoning class
>accidentally summon Mara
>entire class is thrown into a panic as he tries to penetrate everyone
>scolded by professor and get my confinement tubes taken away for the rest of the week

I never wanted to be a Devil Summoner anyways.

>>111378914
Just ignore him bro, he's just mad that you made his dead mom suck your dick.

>>111378917
HELL'S BELLS, HARRY

>>111378841
>Be necromancer
>Nobody knows
>Person I'm seeing is a Religious knight.
>Love them to death

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?

>>111378959
>why does no one where the hats with the stars an moon on them anymore

I really need magic to decipher whatever you wanted to say there.

>>111378803
Lawful evil is another way of say Nazi.

>>111374860
Remind me never to eat those berserker shrooms in class again.

>In Pyromancy class, listening to a lecture
>Disgusting helf-orc nigger next to me is too fucking dumb to read the grimoire
>Asks me for help
>"Hey you humans smart, can I cheat off you next test?"
>Tell him no
>He gets mad and throws his desk over
>Professor immediately tells us both to leave
>I miss out on a very informative lecture

Fucking disgusting orcs, I wonder why the royal council gives them them go to these fucking academies when they should stay in their little tribes doing their nigger shaman voodoo. Write to your local chancellor and call for a genocide of these literal pigs.

I wish I came from a richer family so I didn't have to go to fucking community wizard school with these dumb apes.

>>111379018
female wizards....lol right

go back to your toads and bubbling cauldrons

>be spellsword
>be not autistic
>master of the blade and the staff
>fuck hella bitches and make fun of beta mages

>necromancers have to become a lich for eternal life
>my face when I study white magic instead and just bless myself so that I remain 22 forever

hows them bones going necro fags?

>Sorcerer taking some Bard classes, just because.
>Lusty Argonian is staring at my dick since I entered the class.
>Surprise test!
>We need to perform right there.
>Get on the scenario.
>Screw up, magic comes flying everywhere.
>Magic hits the Argonian. She is now a raptor and begins charging at me.
>Cast "Sweet Pacification of--- Whatever, I'm a sorcerer. ZAP MOTHAFUCKA!"
>It fails and bounces back at me.
>Burst into treats.
>Spaghetti coming out of my magical fingers.
>Raptor Argonian begins to rub her tailhole with my bulge.
>"B-Back that ass up."
>Everybody on the class begins to laugh.
>It was surprise penis inspection day.
>I haven't took a shower in ages.
>Everybody chokes to death with the smell of my penis.
>I ran to the nearest door shooting lightning bolts everywhere.
>I open the door.
>Get on the floor.
>Everybody walked the dinosaur.

Necromancy #1, 2011.
We'll always have more friends than everyone else. Even if we don't go out and meet people.

> Go to tavern
> Hot as fuck paladin chick at the bar
> She tells me that not only is she not into women she's sworn a vow of chastity
> Enchantment? Fuck yeah enchantment
> She is now my fucktoy/bodyguard

feelsgoodman.tome

>>111379140
Dump him, go for me, your parents would probably like me more considering the arts we both studied, and you get to keep your knight fetish you have obviously.

>>111379210
But, us white mages are almost always girls...

>>111379177
sorry, familiar ran across my keyboard


Why does nobody wear those pointy hats with stars and moons on them anymore?

>Sitting in the fields at lunch just reading up on my alchemy
>Hot witch comes up behind my with a cute smile
>Asks me what I'm reading
>I start to freak out
>She gives me a funny look
>I try to impress her with some sweet summon spell
>I wave my staff and a portal from the nether opens up from the floor
>Suddenly spaghetti flies out and covers her
>I start sweating slime
>Try to recover with some sweet missile spells
>Spaghetti flies out of my hand and into her face
>I can't fucking stop thinking about spaghetti
>She screams like a banshee and turns me into a goblin
>Banished forever

I just wanted to study alchemy.

>>111378917
>be wizard
>enemy negates all of my magical powers
>pull out my gun and shoot him

>>111379303
Hows that celibacy going white mage asexual?

>>111379284

pfffft spellswords can barely cast the simplest of spells and i would like to see you fight a warrior or a paladin using only your blade.

>>111379415
Naw, I've known him since we were both going to classes, we met at a bar and we hung out until I dropped classes to study necromancy in private.

actually I prefer Thiefs.

>>111378197
Grey Knights are all psykers you dumb fuck.

>>111379201
Rectum ravaged human boy detected.

You just mad because your girls love dat ork dick.

>>111379303
>mfw I just use a soul reaping conjure to eat souls and maintain my youth

Necro for the win again. Jelly?

>ITT wizards, paladins and necromancers who could not make the minimal Witcher requirements

how does it feel to know I can do everything you guys can do, you guys cant even fornicate with females and bear no children

>lvl 4 black mage, majoring in frost
>like to look the part, wear low cut, form-fitting frostweave dresses to class, hair bound with enchanted saphires like the lvl 30 mages I admire
>believe psychological factors such as this are very important
>makes fat pathetic lvl 2 white mage in class stutter and shake when I'm around
>try to contain my laughter
>it's magical self-defence final day
>i'm put into a library room with the white mage for the test
>weak white mage will be screwed, can't defend himself for shit
>ask him if he'd like help, he nearly pees himself
>can't help myself, laugh at his pathetic demenour
>suddenly turns on me, casts lvl 10 firebolt
>knocks me back against the table, my frostweave dress is melting
>fire back a freezing curse to buy time
>run for the door
>grabbed from behind and thrown to the floor
>lose my wand
>panties are ripped off and I get violently raped
>blood and burns everywhere
>suddenly someone pulls the white mage off me
>it's the lvl 40 warlock instructor
>tells the white mage he passes, and I fail
>the whole time he's looking at my naked body
>run home crying
>i used to say I had a frozen heart
>now i mean it
>never underestimate any type of mage ever again
>have to go back to classes
>secretly turned on by the white mage now
>fml

>drink a potion of invisibility
>go into girls dorm
>watch girls get undressed
>one of them had an aura of detect life from their previous class
>get away with it by claiming that my teleportation spell didn't work properly

>Be necromancer
>Don't kill people on masse/ be a total douchebag

WHAT AM I?

>>111379449
Well, the stars DO have meaning, not every crappy mage around can use them just like that, you need to earn your stars.

Not even i have a hat with stars.
Pic related, this is me when i was on first grade at magic school, lol still wearing the lowest rank colored robe (white)

>beastmaster class
>teacher brings in big a fuck dragon
>everyone has to try and commune with it
>my turn and scared as fuck
>dragon senses it and burns my arm off

Welp, there goes my future.

>That feel when you absorb magic like nothing
>That feel when you fucking charge an inexperienced mage
>That feel when you see his face

>studying basic magic
>grow two trees in garden
>make them grow real fast
>make them both glow
>suddenly some giant dude wearing full dark plate armour and a massive fucking spider come charge up to my trees
>fuck my trees up
>they run away into black mist
>keeps happening everytime I try to do this

WHY CAN'T I HAVE NICE THINGS

>>111379652
>Not infesting your body with the touch of ancient gods to live forever

Casual scum.

>>111379592
Yes I'm sure human women love that shit smelling miasma that you orcs are always permeating.

Or the fact that your dicks are covering in spikes.

This new king is a fucking joke for letting you fucks into this kingdom, I call for a rebellion!

>>111379729
Enjoy your infertility, mutant trash.

No decent woman would ever want to be seen with a grotesque monster like you.

>>111379568
You've probably only met really shitty spellswords.

>??11
>not enchanting yourself and all of your armor/weapons to make any physical combat easier

ishygddt

Where are my fellow Red Mages? Haveth fun being useful for only one measly task, brethren. Behold a true Renaissance Man.

>>111379003
>Be a Lich
>Be constantly assaulted by pretty much anyone and everyone who even glimpses on me, just because I'm a Lich (that's fucking racism by the way)
>Some faggot chronomancer ass sees me and gets all excited, must have wanted to impress his boyfriend or some shit
>He casts time stop on me.
>casting time stop
>on a lich. an eternal being that lives outside the realm of time.
>For shits and giggles I pretend I'm frozen
>He comes up close enough that I can practically feel his breath.
>The dude proceeds to try to strip me. I'm not even kidding. I have no idea why he was getting me naked and I didn't want to find out
>I slap the fuck out of his head as hard as I can as he is trying to lift my robe, and he is so shocked/embarassed by the blow he stumbles away into a time portal crying like a bitch
>two seconds later the dude comes out of a time portal and is shocked as fuck to see me alive
>apparently he went back in time and killed me before I turned into a lich
>"how the hell are you alive"
>"I'm a fucking lich!"
>Cast banshees scream, flip him the bird and walk away from his dead body

It ain't easy being a lich but I wouldn't have it any other way.

>Paladin
>Some asshole summons a succubus during class
>Give succubus lawful good dickings
>I now have a good-aligned succubus fucktoy.

>>111379806
Safe from the judgement of the Order.

>>111379842
Don't worry, I'm a necbro, I can give you an arm to your old one.

As long as you go exploring my caves

>Be a royal knight
>Do good work for the king
>Be respected and loved by the people for helping them
>One day, a wizard and his apprentices visit our castle
>The king is impressed by the magic they use
>He fires all the knights and replaces them with wizards
>mfw

>>111379565

That's only the females.

Males can fuck any woman/succubus they like (no men though), and justify it as a conversion attempt.

>implying The Almighty gives a shit as long as I don't kill any good or neutral people

>>111379842
Don't worry, fellow. Arms can grow back but with the smallest amount of magic. Have fun with your wimpy mammals.

>try to become mage
>find out that I have no mana
>everyone makes fun of me
>can't even become other mana classes
>all weapons sold here consume mana to do more damage
>fuck this shit
>become monk instead
>think that I will punch shit now
>they take me to a shrine
>shrine god that hates mana lets me use his power so we can both rid the world of mana faggots
>return to hometown
>slap the shit out of every mana user

fuck wizards, mages, paladins and everyone else using mana.

>>111379572
>bars
>dropped out school
>necromancy in private
>religious knight

Yeah, you are full of shit. You are not a necromancer, fuck you are a woman to top it off. I was doubtful at first but now I know.

>be a thief
>go to the Game Stoppe
>what Game Stoppe?

>>111373501

They suck your lifeforce out through your dickhole. Shit sucks unless you're strong enough to cast a rehydrating spell afterwards

>>111379958
Aww cool, lichbros.

You guys are always cool, necro+lich+ warlock masterrace.

>mfw I'm a druid and I sit in the woods chillin' and listening to music all day.

U mad wizards? I don't need any school books to learn my magic. I get to chill all day and help nature and shit. I also have a bear companion, and a fucking falcon.

>drop out of school at 12
>move to the frontier
>find a few books
>teach myself hand to hand combat
>teach myself tracking
>teach myself knife/sword/bows
>teach myself druid/cleric spells
>travel from fort to fort fucking bitches
Ranger here laughing at you pathetic school kids. You should just quit now, all the competent mages are receiving private training as apprentices or cultists by now.

>fire mage getting in my face because I cast divine spells instead of whatever bullshit he does (cleric here)
>gets ready to throw a fireball at me, cast spell immunity: fire
>hit the fucker over head with a stick till he dies
>revive him, then cast power word: death and kill him again
>revive him one more time and laugh as he runs away like a bitch
are you even trying, mages?

>>111374625
>>111374625

>me nad the niggaz strolling around the hood
>we bad, we crew
>we rougein' out n' shit
>nigga we dont give a fuck
>we see fuckin ass bitches, fuckin' ass ho's
>fuckin' scrub ass bitch pretending he's thug
>fuckin' clerical mother fucker
>fuckin' beat his ass right outside of the ma phukkin guards tower
>nigga we dont give a fuck
>break into noble's manor
>rape his wife and daughter
>cut off noble's nutsack
>paint graffiti in the streets
>niga we dont givea fuc
>sellin' purple ale and Calimshan Kush on street corners
>niga we ball

STRAIGHT OUTTA NEVERWINTER

>be Spellsword
>dabble in necromancy secretly
>when people talk about necromancy and my views on the subject I say that we should be able to use the undead as a labor force for dangerous jobs, and to have the living order them about.
>they say that its wrong and evil to use the bodies of the dead in such a way.
>I say would you rather have the living die/be crippled because it's "wrong" to use a rotting corpse that doesn't have thought.
>mfw

Ice mage here.
You guys all suck, especially lichs
>DURR MY FREEZING SPELLS COME FROM THE THE CHILL OF THE DEAD

Bitch, my ice come from the the residue of time stopping abilities, 0 kelvin temperature here.

>MFW the new king is a half orc

You fucking liberals are retarded for letting this disgusting creature into our kingdom

>>111380258
You have no use in society. Good luck getting a woman any better than a low-class wench. Meanwhile, in my position of power, I can pick among the finest of women at my leisure.

>>111379867
>infesting your body with the touch of ancient gods to live forever

Dude you know how retardedly stupid that is? That's like asking to not exist, what do you think happened to the Wanderer in Tristram?

>2011
>unable to cast masterspark
>ISHYGDDT

>Be knight
>Big ass motherfucker monster
>My spouse is a cleric, he decides to heal my ass
>Kill the fucker with only a broken finger in the end
>Fix that up
>Have rough sodomy in camp.

>>111380195
Pfft thats the least of your worries, succubus can actually drain your esscence and dominate your heart and mind so you just become a dispenser for her needs, when you run out she will just rip your intestines out of your body.

Also they are quite resistant to magic damage and conjurations, without mentioning their increased physical damage due body fortification speel from draining male souls.

>>111380258
>>111380281
Bro's for life.

>>111380367
Racism is not longer tolerated here in Guardia, it's not 600 AD anymore, orcs are our friends.

>Be redmage, hanging out in tavern with my bros
>See a faggot blackmage I knew from college
>Obviously flustered at the tavern maid
>Buys a shitty watered down drink
>Summon some spaghetti in is pocket
>He goes for his wallet in his other pocket
>Oh well
>He had saghetti in his OTHER pocket as well
>Everyone sees it
>He runs out, crying
>mfw

>Being an alchemist because fuck you we're not all born with magic
>Practice true SCIENCE
>Create fucking buster sword out of some shit I found lying around my schools blacksmithing teacher's class
>Get suspended, but get to keep the sword anyway, and also get an A+ for it from my "Advanced transmogrification" teacher
>MFW

>Be elf archer
>Live in the woods
>Hanging out with bear friend
>See Wizard burning a wolf
>Take out bow
>Esnared by Wizard
>Bear goes full apeshit
>Kills wizard
>I fell on the ground
>Do the dinosaur.

>>111379952

please are you implying that anyone goes without enchantments these days everyone and their pet imp has enchanted all their crap the market is over saturated with enchantments nowa days i could enchant my fucking toilet to wipe my ass for me if i wanted to spend 3 silver

>>111380653
>Black mages

Even necromancers hate them.

>Walk foodcourt for lunch
>See a cute sorceress sitting all alone
>Sit next to her
>Introduce myself
>Get my haversack
>Unlace it
>Pull a roll of parchment and some ink out of it
>Start spreading the ink on the parchment
>She starts looking at me weird
>Get really nervous and self-conscious
>Enchant the parchment to carry a magic missile spell
>Shakily repeat to her "This is my spell that I have prepared for myself. If you don't like it don't be rude about it!"
>She starts laughing
>Get really angry
>Start tearing up
>Face turns red
>Get up
>Throw my parchment
>Scream at the top of my lungs
>"THIS IS MY SPELL THAT I HAVE PREPARED FOR MYSELF AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T BE RUDE ABOUT IT, OKAY BITCH?!"
>Turns out I accidentally hit the Head Sorcerer in the head with my parchment
>He walks up and turns me into a newt
>Lying on the ground crying
>Girl kicks me in the balls and calls me a bard

>>111380648
You cannot disregaurd how violent and untrustworthy orcs tend to be. Surely you've been to the Ghettroll. 'Tis a place of haphazard and filth.

>2011
>studying liberal witchcraft
>not studying hard wizardry

I hope you enjoy stirring potions, because that's all you'll be doing for the rest of your life.

>be orc
>kill puny human man in dress
>he drop book
>pick up book
>chew on it
>feel zap in teeth
>suddenly can make human words
>pillage village with tribe
>find taktak human box
>use taktak human box to make words at other humans
>call them faggots

>Be a spellsword
>Warlocks always point and laugh as the summon other to fight for them
>Annual wizard duel
>Fighting a summoner in the first round
>He summons a succubus
>Succubus tries to suck my dick while the summoner casts a fire ball
>My face when I used a claymore to lop the succubus' head off
>Proceed to slice that asshole summoners arm off
>Get disqualified for using a weapon by the summoners father who happened to be one of the judges
>Head professor tells him to eat a dick and I get back in
>Learn the professor is a spellsword
>He invites me to his house
>Open the door
>Get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>be neutral good
>also a necromancer
>once anyone learns the latter, they won't believe the former

Fucking people these days.

>Get accepted into the University
>First day in
>Someone murders the Archchancellor... Again.
>New head is a dick
>Go to library for reading materials
>Nearly die
>Ask librarian for information to find book
>"I DON'T SPEAK MONKEY, YOU FUCK"
>Nearly die... AGAIN.
>Cafeteria to eat
>Menu says meatloaf
>Serving boiled newt dicks with pickled frog dicks
>Realize another wizard killed the Archchancellor.
>Get food
>Tray knocked over by bumble fuck wizard who can't do magic
>BLIND IO DAMN IT
>Struck down by fury of Blind Io
>Nearly die... AGAIN
>Stand up and pantsed by unknown prankster god
>Death points and laughes
>Girl visits
>Her Grandmother starts serious shit
>Witch VS Wizard in the foyer
>Douchebag with ultimate Sourcery borrows pencil
>Never gives it back...
>Get letter from home
>From my little brother...
>"HEY! ARE U A WIZARD?! LMAOROFLLOLOLOL!!!"
>mfw

>>111380623

Mah nigga

>be a nameless rank and file soldier
>bro becomes the main man in some sort of prophecy shit
>he asks me to join him
>be surprised as all fuck because he could have chosen that perverted archmage
>bro it out, even though I need some babying
>final battle
>struggling
>realize I'm the weakest link
>the boss is preparing to kill bro
>not_today.jpg
>take the hit
>die in his arms
>before I close my eyes I can see pure rage in his as he gets up and a palpable aura surrounds him

Here's a classic.

>Am Bard
>Get bored during Divination class
>Go to sleep
>Conscious is brought to the plane of my goddess
>I play songs that I've made just for her
>Convince her to have sex with me
>When I orgasm, I wake up to the end of class
>Go about my life
>A few months pass
>I hear from my mythology teacher that the birth of a new god is coming soon

>be cleric, hanging out with fighter and monk friends
>suddenly a necromancer that's been bullied for being frail, sickly and antisocial for years now decides he wants to massacre the academy
>summons a giant army of undead (quite impressive actually), everyone panics
>cast mass heal severe wounds and save the day
>become prom king

>I can't summon anything right
>Accidentally summoned confused foreigner in class
>Now I don't have a familiar

Fuck, maybe I should just become a Lich at this rate.

>>111380407
>2011
>Using a magical reactor to cast Master Spark.
>Not FINAL SPARK.
>ISHYGDDT

>>111380699
You mean you havent done that yet?
Son... I am dissapoint.

>>111380839
>Neutral good
>Necromancer

That's.....impossible

>874 A.C
>Not being a marksman in the royal army

Enjoy fighting on the frontlines you cretins!

>>111380862

>doing to ankh-morpork to study magic

ahahaha faggot

>week off of school because the king doesn't want to have to pay our teachers as much
>meet some hot ass goddess who wants me to shut down some demon factory
>she'll probably fuck me if I do
>looking in the mountains for the factory
>go into suspicious looking cave
>suddenly, fucking minotaur out of nowhere
>he grabs me from behind and uses my ass like a human fleshlight
>my asshole is now a little loose
>keep looking in the mountains
>a fucking hellhound jumps out from behind a rock
>try to run away
>apparently it caught my scent
>try to kill it with my shitty ass shining sword but I'm doing shit damage because of all that incubi draft I drank
>it pounces and I get fucking raped again
>my asshole is now very loose and all of my gems are missing
>now I can't afford any lunch at school

FUCKING MOUNTAINSTOP

>>111380648
No, they are disgusting monsters and a blight upon the Earth, they need to be cleansed.

>>111380978
This shit right here is what I'm talking about.

> Graduate from mage school
> Have my own tower
> Have demonic and mortal servants both
> Live in the big city where I can get reagents at the local shop and practise my enchantments on hot 'straight' chicks
> Mad? lolno you rangers, druids and shit can lick my arseole - I'm having a blast!

thingswentbetterthanexpected.tome.grmr

>>111381015
>fighting on the frontlines
>implying
>summon a meteor shower
>go home

>>111381049

>go to military academy
>not skilled in any way
>become an ordinary soldier
>mfw I'm supposed to charge up that hill lined with archers and cannons and mages

Geeze, you knights give us bad names

>Not having a erotic/romantic relationship with your mage/wizard/warlcoks/whatever so they trust you and can kick major ass.
>Have sweet sodomy every day.
>Nobody knows.

Damn, no shapeshifter bros in here?
I'll tell you what, Indra's form suits me fine.

>At a gathering
>See hot succubus
>Some High-rank paladin sees me eyeing her
>Loudly declares that the "mere wizard peasant" is trying to "Conceive a child with a demon from the nether realm"
>Binds us together
>She starts to seduce me
>The crowd are gathering and chanting merrily
>She tells me to get into it
>I stutter out "B-bring that rear forth"

The shrieks of painful laughter pierce my soul.

>get hired as a teaching assistant for a alteration spell course
>spent my 1 week break traveling around some forest
>whip out my dick and masturbate
>jizz on a bush
>realize there is someone snoring in the bush
>dryad wakes up with sperm all over her face

pass me the palantir bro

>>111381049
I know the game you were playing.

>>111381135

>874 A.C
>Not having leather armour inscribed with runes protecting against elemental magic.

Enjoy being useless you filthy magicslinger.

>be Apafi
>get stuck in Focus Tower

>>111381249
You know the Almighty cries every time you do that right?

>>111381303

>>111372176
Oh Magika

>>111380839
I believe you bro, anyone who actually follows Trag'Oul knows.

>>111381251

>doing shapeshifting when you could just do transfiguration and alter yourself as well as other things

>In Mages Guild
>Know necromancy
>Summon skeletons
>Get expelled.

>>111381251

Shapeshifter reporting in

>Be a spellsword
>Wizards always make fun of me
>My face when they get killed by common thieves whose dirk finds it's way into their ribcage
Seriously, fuck you pure magic assholes. Just because I style on you doesn't mean you have to get Rectally Ragnarok'd

>>111381251
I can turn into animals and shit.

>alchemy class
>accidently drop my amulet of dexterity
>have to make a mana regeneration potion
>notice that my dexterity is too low
>"oh fuck"
>try to do it anyway
>"well let's hope we don't have to test the potions now"
>teacher tells us to drink the potions
>drink mine
>i suddenly start glowing
>everyone is laughing
>suddenly feel huge power
>everyone drops down and looks like they lost all of their power
>I accidently created a legendary potion of absorb stamina and mana
>they threaten to kick me out of school the next day
>they decide against it

Maxing out your luck makes you life kick ass. Enjoy your boring shit while I have adventures and survive them.

>>111381223
>>111381321
my negro brethren

glad to see some bros get it

>>111381521
You can turn into shit?

interesting.

>>111381232

you saying that they did not even give a minor mage who knew the barrier spell?

Being magical is suffering.

>Taking Illusionism exam
>Like 20 pages of ridiculously hard questions way above our level
>Try casting a minor dispel illusion magic spell on it
>All the text disappear and gets replaced with a short note telling me that I passed and all I need is to deliver the test after writing my name on it
>Barely able to contain my laughter as I leave the classroom after 5 minutes while everyone else are wrecking their brains over the fake questions
>They later accuse me of using time manipulation magic when it turns out I was the only one who passed

Seriously, don't they control whether your cunning is high enough before admitting people in Illusionism anymore?

>>111381473
What ass backwards corner of the planes are you in that Necromancy is still illegal?

So... any ArchMage around?
Electric Wizard here.
I need help with the "Shock Shield" spell, i fail to cast it way too much.

I know:
Thunder cross
Spark
Lightning Edge
Enchant Thunder
Lightning Bolt
Energizer
Thunderbolt
Magnetism

Tell me why the King can't just order these fucking vile monsters to be exterminated.

Our ancestors fought to protect us from them, but we're not doing anything to protect our future children!

KILL THEM ALL, USE THEIR CHILDREN AS BASEBALLS. RAPE THEIR WOMEN, DO ANYTHING TO WIPE THIS BLIGHT FROM THE EARTH.

>>111381342

>elemental protection runes doing anything against 800 tonnes of rock and metal

>always wanted to be a wizard
>finally get accepted into a state run mage academy
>dont have to pay for any of my courses
>but am required to serve in the army for a few years after I graduate
>reading through course catalogue
>see listing for "Blue Magic" major
>read description
>always have been a bit of a masochist

I can't even tell you how great this is. I spend maybe one or two hours in "class" every day.

By class I mean having my shit thrashed by the novice Beast Masters. Spend rest of the day with smoking hot apprentice White mages.

Man, you guys need to get on my level.

>Be mage
>Be a dirty homosexual
>My guardian is a female, who one days wishes to be male
> Transform her into a male
>All she has to do is be my happy spouse until either one of us dies.

>thread full of spoon-fed pansy wizards

seriously what excuse do you have for not being a hedgewizard? what the fuck is the point of magic if you're just going to sit in a fucking tower your entire life.

fine, maybe i'm not as good as magic as you but at least i'm out there doing shit.

>Not creating a self fulfilling prophecy in which you inherit limitless powers of the cosmos by giving them to yourself in the past
>743

>>111381640
Where the fuck do you live that is it legal?

Last I heard entire world doesn't like Necros, and raising dead people and shit is definitely a taboo everywhere.

>>111381640

so I bought a new familiar from the traveling trader today

what do you think

>Travel with my mage
>Somehow get to planescape

THIS PLACE IS FUCKING WEIRD.

>Finally get my fucking master's in wizardry
>Struggle for months to get a real job anyway
>Eventually get hired by the thieves' academy as a conjurer so that they can steal shit that doesn't matter when stolen
>Students never fucking touch my conjurations
>Professors keep rewarding students for masterfully fucking me over in other ways instead
>This is going to be my life until the day I die
>Lichdom begins to sound unappealing for the first time

>>111381652
>Be a paladin
>Raiding an orc settlement with my bros.
>Find their nursery after killing them all
>We make up a game
>I throw Orc babies at my bro
>Using my hammer as a baseball bat
>He tries to catch them on his spear
>he misses a few but they hit the rocks behind us and die anyway.
>Mage bro burn the remaining babies alive
>Our faces when

Twas a good day

Sigh. Apprentices these days. They just memorize the material the night before and forget it after the test.

>>111381895
I think he's a fucking faggot.

Anybody else figuring out this whole immortality deal isn't what it's cut out to be?

>>111381342
>Fucker comes at me with MAGICAL RUNE ENCHANTED LEATHER ARMOR.
>Smirk with the biggest smile on my face and flip the bird at him.
>He charges at me.
>I snap my fingers, and a big ass wall of FUCK YOU I'M A WIZARD comes in front of him.
>The douche smashes his face against the wall.
>He falls to the ground knocked out.
>Push the wall.
>Fucker buried under the wall.
>Plant a tree and cast a spell.
>That one dude with the armor becomes a tsundere Dryad that rages at me usually because I killed him when he was a human.
>Feels good man.

>team up with spiderbro to loot some gems
>steal gems
>on way back home
>spiderbro wants gems
>comes at me
>am okay with spiders so long as they don't get close
>scares shit outta me
>scream so loud an entire region is named after that one scream
>eventually beat off spider and get home, still traumatized by what happened

Fuck being dark lord, I'm going back to crumbebutts wizarding school

>in potions class
>shitty teacher wants us to conjure flour
>start chopping the various herbs
>cute andro witch glances at me
>ask if she wants to work together
>she moves to my alchemy stand
>starts talking about her shitty friends
>turns out shes in love with one of them
>suddenly have a strong craving for spaghetti
>conjuring spaghetti on a small plate with the ingredients
>cant stop conjuring it
>all my pockets filled to the brim with spaghetti
>run out with the witch following me
>she slips on all the spaghetti
>get F
>cant attend conjuring next year
>drop out

>>111381895
>Buying familiar
>Not getting a dragon egg after a fierce battle and hatching it by yourself
Youre doing it wrong

>be a berserker
>alpha as fuck
>meet female cleric
>she heals and buffs me
>we both level up
>both sign friend certificates
>later on
>have sex
>lift up her skirt
>its a hard cock
>she blushes and gives a weak smile
>fuck her in the ass while strokng her cock
>we both cum at the same time

feels good men

This was more than a decade ago, so don't be talking shit about "Oh that's outdated shit what the fuck are you doing" or what have you, I don't have a damn clue what things are like nowadays. Also the redhead got a Sealing Designation later on or so I've heard, what the fuck.

This redhead is having this argument with some prick who is a total smartass the whole damn time before the instructor arrives, about using fire magic- this guy is blabbing on and on about how "Ohhh you can't do it what are you some kind of" yadda yadda yadda, when the instructor walks in. The MOMENT he walks in, this guy asks if he can 'cast fireball'- one person snickers, but the instructor says that so long as he doesn't burn anything to go for it, he is preparing a paper so there is still some free time before he starts talking. So he casts fireball, and in the last second turns to fire it at the redhead calling them dirty or some shit like that- immediately the redhead whips out this fucking doll and contains the fireball into a small area in front of it, including the top of the guys head- ALL OF HIS FUCKING HAIR GOT BURNED OFF, AND THEN SOMEONE HAD TO CAST FROST TO KEEP HIM FROM BURNING. It was fucking awesome.

>be a mage
>can do cool shit but the bitches still go for the warriors and rogues
>group of popular warriors and rogues always stylin on me and hitting on this sexy ass paladin in class
>dad passes away
>inherit his life draining dagger and Charon's Claw
>skip school to spend the day battling Charon's Claw in a will contest
>win its allegiance
>decide to dabble in the art of the sword
>at the end of the year tournament I rape everyone with my enchanted weapons and pro wizarding skills
>paladin all over my dick
>I'm hanging with this weird but hilarious necbromancer, a druid and a warrior now. We make fun of the warrior and rogue crowd as we steal all of their women

>>111381869
>uses the word "world"
>Probably from some cut-off piece of shit monkey land that doesn't even have portals to the other realms

Sounds about right.

>>111376974
laughed so fucking hard

>>111381895
Qb lbh pbzr sebz gur Qvfgnag Ynaqf?

>>111374384
i can not stop laughing

>a knave requests I conjure some entertainment units for use with the nintendo 3ds
>even my magic is not this mighty

Guys, guys. I'm that wizard that the news reported, 250 years ago, that was trying to create the Ultimate Spell.

I did it. I can finally do it, and discover the hidden secrets we've been all waiting for.
I've developed the Transform: Goat spell.
We can finally attempt to enter the Goat Tower.
Even if we don't succeed, at least we can rape gravity with our new Goat Powers.

>>111381957
FUCKING FACIST HUMANS

YOU CALL YOURSELF A PALADIN, A WARRIOR OF JUSTICE BUT YOU GET YOUR KICKS OUT OF KILLING INNOCENT CHILDREN. THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CONFLICT.

YOU FUCKING HUMANS ARE THE REAL MONSTERS DAMMIT.

>>111382021
>850 years old
>still a virgin
>Pray Alter the Third still has no hymns

what the fuck is going on in the beginning of this thread

>Be learning the magics of fire
>Have a Goblin father and a Gnome mother
>They teach me of other magics, these Chemistry and Physics.
>For the final exam i have to do create a giant controlled explosion
>Build a rocket with my parents help
>Shoot at the moon
>Blow that moon up
>Werewolves mad as fuck for the next month while they try to repair it

Elminster this! Elminster that! Give ME 2000 years and the pointy hat and I'll kick his arse!

>In magic academy
>Can't use spells for shit
>Stupid bitch gets on my nerves and says I'll never be able to summon a familiar
>Bluff my way out and say I'll summon the best familiar ever
>Summon a human who can't even use magic
>There is so many things wrong with this
>Few months later I fuck his brain out
>We're still together to this day

>>111382138
>know world = all realms

Sure is idort over there. You drop or get kicked out of magic school?

>>111382246
>We can finally attempt to enter the Goat Tower.
1/10
Theres no such thign than can let us do that.

>>111381251
Fuck shapeshifters. We have this one shapeshifter at our academy who loves making people gay. He'll shapeshift into a really attractive female, and pick out some guy to seduce. He particularly likes to target alchemists, since they're usually virgins, and he loves corrupting their first sexual experience.

Basically, when he manages to get them to have sex with him, which is very easy with those desperate alchemists, the instant his victim reaches orgasm, he'll reveal his true form.

>>111382298
Orc scum is so mad

We're coming for your settlement next brother, we're going to kill your whole family and any orc children we see.

Be ready.